I feel as though I’ve become increasingly introverted as of late.
I want to blame it on my practice, and that I’ve been dedicating a non-trivial amount of time toward getting better. I know deep down that that cannot be the only thing.
I want to blame it on growing older. In growing more in tune with myself, I recognize the things I need to feel ready to enter the world. I’ve never needed to validate my lifestyle by going out, but It’s not just the time I spend at home that has me thinking; it’s more so the amount of time I spend alone, doing the things that I enjoy rather than feeling pressure to socialize.
It’s also never been easy for me to reach out to friends to come into my space, so I end up alone in my space by default. I don’t necessarily feel any remorse for that particular insecurity, so I don’t think this is what’s keeping me solitary more than usual.
I want to blame it on my lifestyle, which heavily incorporates going to see live music. You would think that this is automatically social, but I usually find my way to a back corner of the bar after I’ve said my hellos. It’s the minimum amount of social activity I can muster, and I don’t know if I do that on purpose or not.
I want to blame it on the seasons, but I’m such an indoor cat to begin with! How much does the winter/lack of sun really change me when I’m not often exposed to it in the first place?
So what could it be, then? I’d love to hear how you feel about reclusion (hiding in the shadows of my studio)